Only a Child
by Ravyn Tenma
Summary: Ever wondered what Kadaj and his brothers are thiking? Just a little blurb. It's horribly inaccurate and will probably be taken down after the American release of Advent Children. RxR, please.


Author's Note: EEDDDIIITTTT! EditEditEditEdit! I went through and added some schtuff and changed the ending to fit one of my not-so-outrageous theories about AC. Woots. But, like I said, this blurb will either be taken down or changed after the release of Advent Children (and after I actually get my hands on a copy of it), and I can properly analyze Loz, Kadaj, and Yazoo's characters. And for the reviewer who offered me some moral support: There will be a section for Loz and Kadaj. I just have to type them (they're floating around in the recesses of my brain somewhere…). I'd like to thank my reviews (the two of them ;; ). I'll get more in depth with that when I post the next sections.

Only a Child, After All…

Yazoo's Thoughts.

It's strange, really, what happens when no one is looking. My brother…he seems to sure of himself, so sure we will succeed. But that's not how it is when he thinks no one's watching. I hear him in the night—sneaking off to be alone. What he doesn't know is that I can hear him crying. I mean, he's not loud or anything, but I can still hear. I don't know if Loz knows—or if he realizes this at all, thickheaded as he is. Maybe he doesn't want to embarrass Kadaj? Hmm. Maybe I should talk to him? No…that wouldn't work. There've been enough little spats among us recently. Mentioning anything that could be thought of a weakness would only provoke him.

My brother tries so hard to make sure he's not underestimated. In fact, he's done quite well—even when Loz and I aren't backing him. But a lot of it is merely an illusion—a mask he's made for himself over time. Yes, Kadaj can be intimidating, but he's only a child, really. He has his tantrums, he has his chipper moments—and he still hasn't outgrown his childhood insecurities. My brother seems to think that Loz and I will kill him in his sleep if we think he's weak. I knew I should've stopped Loz from telling him stuff like that when we were younger.

All three of us want to help Mother, help Sephiroth, but it's been difficult. Especially because of said brother, Cloud. All of Avalanche, really. And those damned Turks. They're like cockroaches—just when you think you've gotten rid of them, they come back in force. Such nuisances…I've never really been a fan of insects either. We never should've gotten involved with them. It's just another kink in our already haphazard plans. But none of us had the time to consider all the things that could go wrong. So many possibilities; my mind can barely fathom all that could go wrong, right—whatever! What if Reunion is not successful? What if Avalanche wins? What if none of _us_ survive to finish our mission? What if, what if--**WHAT IF**! I've about gone insane following these thoughts. The nightmares have increased in intensity, and I've found myself truly worried for the first time in a very long while. I can tell Loz is, as well. He won't talk about it, though. I think he's afraid Kadaj will overhear—or I'd laugh at him. Honestly, I only did that _once_. And this is hardly a laughing matter. How can we possibly come out the victors when we're battling forces within our own group? 'Divided we fall…' yeah, fall a _long_ way.

Maybe I _should_ talk to Loz. It's been every day now that I've seen Kadaj slink off—and he's not going off on business purposes, either. I don't think he knows I've seen him. My brother doesn't always cry though…frankly, I'd prefer the crying next to what else he does. I find it vaguely disturbing to see my younger sibling walking around with self-inflicted wounds. Kadaj needs to talk to one of us—preferably me. Loz…well…he's not very good at this sort of thing. Really, sometimes, I just want to sock him sometimes! Just grab him by that ridiculous pompadour of his and bash his face in. He can be worse than Kadaj.

He's the oldest, for crying out loud, and he doesn't act it half the time! Sometimes, I think Loz has worse temper tantrums than Kadaj—and look at how many years separate them! I…I just want to get this over with. I want to finish what Sephiroth started as much as my brothers do—but I'm scared for Kadaj. If Cloud doesn't kill him, his fervor will. It scares me sometimes. It really does. You can see it in his eyes: Kadaj is wearing out. All three of us are. So many losses, so many close calls, so many things gone awry. It's amazing we've handled things this well. But everything's starting to fall apart. And neither Loz, Kadaj, nor myself will be able to fix them.

Our time is running out, and the only thing that seems to be at the end of the road…is Death…


End file.
